The puberty talk: When to talk, what to talk, and the challenges, according to experts |
Talking to kids about puberty is important. But when and how to start the conversation is a grey area for many parents. A new poll has looked deep into the challenges parents face about having ‘the puberty talk’ with their children. When to start the conversation
According to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, some of the common challenges that parents face are: choosing the right age to talk about the changes in their children’s bodies, and also sex education. The poll found that parents are equally split in thinking it’s best to start talking about puberty before age 10, at age 10, or when children are older.“It’s easy to assume a child is too young for conversations about puberty, but many parents are surprised to find their tween already showing signs of puberty or asking unexpected questions about body changes. Starting the conversation early gives parents a chance to shape the message in an age-appropriate way and help kids know what to expect, so they’re not confused or anxious. If parents don’t open the door to these talks, kids may get their information elsewhere, like from classmates, social media, or what they see on TV,” Mott Poll Co-Director Sarah Clark, M.P.H., said, in a statement. The polls also found the kinds of approaches, worries, and gaps parents have in their tweens for this major stage of development. About half of the parents said their approach to the puberty talk was ‘proactive’. Two in five had the conversation only when asked. Surprisingly, 5% of the parents avoided the conversation altogether. One in five parents was worried about feeling embarrassed about having the conversation. One in six said they were anxious about saying the wrong thing. Among parents of children aged 10-12, a quarter said their child didn’t want to talk about puberty. Parents of those aged 7-9, nearly a third, believed the kids were too young to understand. What to talk
During the puberty talk, nearly half of the parents shared their puberty experiences with their children. Less than one-third of the parents shared that they have had the puberty conversation with their children. However, more than a third of the parents revealed that their parents never had this conversation with them. “Whether they realize it or not, parents may bring their own experiences into their parenting approach. Many parents said they had little or no discussion of puberty when they were young. If puberty was treated as an awkward or embarrassing subject growing up, that can make it harder to know how to begin,” Clark said.How much to talk about puberty
Source: CS Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll an Children’s Health, 2025
The poll revealed that parents have some common challenges, such as whether, when, and how much to talk about sex and reproduction.“Early conversations should focus on making kids aware that they will experience physical and emotional changes, and reassuring them that those changes are normal. Discussions about sex can occur over time,” Clark said.Clark also recommended that parents look for resources such as parenting books on how to talk to kids. Annual check-ups may also be a good opportunity for both parents and children to learn about puberty-related changes and ask the doctor questions.Recognizing puberty signsThe poll revealed that about half of the parents were confident that they could recognise signs of puberty in their children. 60% of parents of children aged 10-12, and 17% parents of children aged 7-9 were able to notice these changes. However, fewer than a third of parents weren’t sure what changes to look for.
Some parents said that their children asked about their bodies, their parents’ bodies, or other puberty-related topics. Clark added that parents should be open to discussing when such moments arise. For instance, when the child asks questions about puberty. “Puberty isn’t just about physical changes — it’s also a time of emotional disruption, which can make open communication challenging. Many tweens feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking with their parents about these changes. To help ease the discomfort, some parents may give their child an age-appropriate book or video about puberty and allow the child to explore the topic privately. Often, that leads to additional discussion with parents,” Clark added.
